A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is
inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but, instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
Isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money
Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just
as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons :-)


~D